This is the story of Martine and her highly sensitive and gifted daughter, Caroline.
Martine realized quite late that her limit was reached.
To be honest, she had already crossed her limit. For years, she had experienced a lot of stress, which manifested itself in irritability, high blood pressure, and emotional eating. It is not surprising though. Martine has a 9-year-old highly sensitive and gifted daughter. To put it simply, that means her daughter experiences emotions and impressions intensely. Moreover, her mind never rests. Filtering emotions is difficult for her, especially because she is still young. As a result, she constantly needs guidance from her parents.
Being highly sensitive is something you have from birth. When Caroline was 4 months old, she was in her playpen and tried to grab a toy. To do this, she had to turn around, but she was not able yet. In response, she flew into an uncontrollable rage and kicked the playpen hard and persistently. Martine recalls, “I was shocked. What was going on? Was this normal?” Martine understood that this behavior was unusual, but she did not think much of it at the time. “Who thinks about high sensitivity? Certainly not me.”
“Admitting ‘I can’t take it anymore’ was very difficult. It feels like it is ‘not done.’ You do not want to complain; again, someone with burnout symptoms…”
Years of intense emotions went by, combined with hardly any sleep. Martine tried countless treatments. “I even crawled on the floor with Caroline because the experts said it would be an effective exercise.” Martine felt worse and worse, questioning everything, and her relationship with her husband and child deteriorated day by day. Until she reached her breaking point.
Martine recalls, “I had already hurt my back before, I had a massive sleep deficit, and I started experiencing severe heart palpitations. I panicked, was I having a heart attack? At that time, my husband was away for work several days a week, and I could not cope anymore. I had hit a wall.” Martine was startled by how far things had to go before she admitted that she could not handle it anymore. “Admitting ‘I can’t take it anymore’ was very difficult. It feels like it is
‘not done.’ You do not want to complain; again, someone with burnout symptoms. You want to be strong, and there is a sense of shame.”
But when you reach the limit, the only logical next step is to stop.
That is exactly what Martine did. She sat down with her husband and told him that things could not go on like this. Martine found a satisfactory solution by seeking help from a coach, who provided her with valuable insights. For a pragmatic Dutchman like her husband, talking about feelings was not always easy, Martine chuckles.
“Even to this day, I sometimes have to help him respond with empathy. Not jumping straight into problem-solving mode, but taking a moment to acknowledge feelings, sorrow, or simply sharing. By directly pointing out that he is overlooking the emotional aspect, I prevent an escalation. Usually, we can even find humor in it together. We’ve certainly had our ups and downs, but thankfully, we’re still a team, and I can count on him to be there for me and our daughter.”
What has Martine learned from this experience?
“A lot, but what immediately comes to mind is to trust your gut feeling. At some point, I was running around like a headless chicken, and deep down, I knew it was not good for me. But you just keep going. Shame, combined with being too hard on myself, played a part in this, I see that now.”
Today, Martine leads quite a different life. After her daughter received the right diagnosis, Martine made arrangements with Caroline’s school, and now she is in an advanced class. She is motivated to learn and develop in different ways. It does not solve everything instantly, but it does provide some relief.
Additionally, Martine changed jobs, which brought more peace into her life. She also keeps a list of pitfalls and solutions on her phone. “I still check it regularly. What is going well, and what are the signs that I am pushing myself too far. For example, Wednesday evenings are sacred to me. I go horse riding, which is a wonderful way for me to unwind.”
The tip Martine wants to share with everyone is:
“Trust yourself; you already know so much instinctively. Find space to talk and look for solutions. You really do know what works and what does not. You must be willing to listen to what your gut is telling you, which is not always easy but often necessary. Expressing yourself can be a challenge. Sometimes you do not have the words yet, and sometimes asking for help is quite a leap to take. Do not lose sight of yourself and reach out for help in time. You often have so many loving family members and friends around you. Share your burden, talk about your feelings and emotions and try to look for answers together”
Note: The names Martine and Caroline are pseudonyms to protect their privacy. Their real names are known to the editorial team.
“Trust your gut feeling.
You already know so much instinctively.”
