He didn’t want others to know how bad he was feeling. And talking about it was completely out of the question.
Looking back, Roy can exactly define when he knew he had reached his limit: “I get short-tempered and quite negative. Things that I used to shrug off became a big deal. Back then, I could easily pick fights with anyone, about anything over nothing.”
“I increasingly dreaded going to work and I also started ‘job hopping’ more. I thought it was because of the job and the employer, but nothing helped. It’s clear to me now why.”
Roy continues, “At home, a lot went wrong in quick succession. From arguments to misunderstandings to misplaced expectations. Nothing too serious that couldn’t be managed, under normal circumstances. But at the same time, I was very unhappy at work. What used to bring me joy, interacting with clients, wasn’t enjoyable anymore. I increasingly dreaded going to work. I started job hopping more and more, thinking it was the job or the employer that were the problems, but nothing helped. It’s clear to me now why.”
“This toxic cocktail led to a point where I couldn’t see the forest for the trees anymore. Constant personal problems, no peace, and continual problems at work. I had experienced depression a few years earlier and knew that I could shift my thoughts through exercise and sports. But even that didn’t work anymore.”
Then, what Roy had been desperately trying to prevent, happened. He ended up at home. A feeling of helplessness, shame, and hopelessness, combined with a strange sense of relief. “Due to extreme back pain, I could hardly get out of bed. I gained a considerable amount of weight in a short time, and I got black spots on my feet. The fact that my body had decided it had reached its limit was shocking in one way and strangely comforting in another. Because I couldn’t do anything but stop. I had to give in.”
Roy was referred to a psychologist, which he found quite challenging. “You go to a psychologist when you’re confused or mentally unwell. But not when you can still think clearly, like I could. I didn’t really know what I was going to do there and, to be honest, I found it a bit exaggerated,” Roy says. But the opposite was true. His psychologist taught him to recognize and acknowledge his feelings. Roy learned to talk about his feelings, something he hardly ever did, because “you just don’t do that.” He also learned that it’s okay not to know how to move forward at times and to accept that things don’t always go the way he wants them to. Disagreeing doesn’t necessarily mean immediate change, but it’s important to express yourself and not bottle things u
“I have learned three valuable things that I still apply to this day: Letting go, talking, and taking breaks. It all sounds so simple, but when you’re lost, you just don’t see it anymore. There’s also the fact that, in my case, there was a lot of shame. I didn’t want others to know how bad I was feeling. And talking about it was completely out of the question. I wanted people to see that I was a healthy, hardworking, and sociable man, rather than a wreck.”
Today, Roy sees life very differently. He has received very clear guidelines from the psychologist, which allow him to recognize his feelings. This gives him stability, and he knows much better how to prevent an escalation
The advice Roy wants to give to everyone is: “Don’t think you’re different from others. Feelings and emotions are important, no matter how you look at it. Talking about it helps, so don’t wait until it’s too late. Take time off occasionally, meditate, and exercise regularly.”
Note: The name Roy is a pseudonym to protect his privacy. His real name is known to the editorial team
“I have learned three valuable things that I still apply to this day: Letting go, talking, and taking breaks.”
